-An Exposure of the supposed Otherkin/human War-
-By: CO of the AFSWATTF. The joke that just won't die!-

For starters, have you heard about it? I mean -other- than from fluffsters? Apparently those horrible humans are keeping us down. Why? Because some people on the internet said so, that's why! And we need to kill them dead, rally behind our messiah, and otherthrow humanity.

And I really wish I was kidding about that second point. I am Dead. Serious. My jaw hit the ground when I read about that.

I've actually done research on this. I shouldn't do anything like it again, or people might confuse me with someone who actually puts thought into what they write. I'll say my sources and then go from there. "Sources" being fluff-bunnies but ya gotta work with what ya got.

1.) The Shadow Pack

I had to look no further than my favourite section of this forum to find the first instance of this so-called "War." They kinda flip-flop between it's gonna break out to it's already happening. They say that their house was built in case of it, and one of their rules is not to take sides in it, and this was in the context of it already going on.

There was no mention of the motives behind it, who's involved, or anything like that. Just that it's happening. Way to back up your points!
You'd think a pack of these guys might look to see what the backstory is, but they didn't, and that made me sad.

Moving along.

2.) Our Messiah. (Not specifically stated, but darn is it trying.)

Remember those so-called Reiki symbols that looked like NSFW parts of the human body? They were supposed to instantly awaken any otherkin who views them, and were intended to be spread globally to overthrow humans. No, really, but I'll say that in a minute, right after this paragraph.

The guy who drew them is the supposed Messiah. Why? Well, he's supposed to rise from the dead and lead all otherkin. Really. It's not his fault though, but that of whatever dipshit wrote that on his memorial site. The "messiah", Eyovah, is, sadly, deceased. I'm not sure if this is true, but some people said that he really did commit suicide. I have nothing but sympathy for him and his family, as suicide is NEVER funny.

To make a long story short, Eyovah wrote down the symbols, and said that they were "True Form" which makes people awaken spontaneously. Then about a year later, he passed away, and some dude took those symbols, and decided that humans were bad.

Quotes ahoy!

Some people say that if not for his mysterious disappearance, he would have one day lead of all the otherkin to rise up against their human oppressors and declare their freedom! If that happened then otherkin could no longer be kicked out of their houses for telling their parents. No longer could churches perform exorcisms on otherkin. Otherkin would have had rights in this country.
There is a legend that one day when humanity fully accepts otherkin, Eyovah will return.

It gets worse. It delves into conspiracy theories about just how he died, and is he dead etc. Picture all the controversy about Elvis and you get the idea.

This is my second example because of that "human oppressors" thing. It's like everyone is under some tyranical rule and we need to rally around this poor sod and fight for our freedom! Last time I checked, the Charter of Rights and Freedoms did not have a "No Otherkin >:(" clause in it. Everyone has equal rights, 'Kin or not. I know that the Feds never paid a visit to MY house demanding to know if I was a phoenix.

The guy the memorial is about, Eyovah, really seems like a great guy, and it's bad that he killed himself. He just drew some symbols (for the record, that don't work) and then, sadly, died. He didn't want to be a martyr, or to lead us all to rebel against whatever the fuck we're rebelling against this week. All this crap surrounding him is the fault of whoever invented it.

Once again, moving along.

3.) The Great Magickal Revival! (C)

Not much to say here. Baxil is a dragon that I actually respect, and wouldn't mind meeting in person to have a chat with. Yes, I wrote about him in the past, and yes, he's written some stupid things. But I have a theory that he just banged his head before writing those things, because he really looks to be a nice, intelligent guy.

One of those stupid things is that he said that magic is gone from the world, and that's apparently very sad. So all dragons need to take up arms and bring back magic! The end.

Is this really necessary?! Does the Earth need magic? What, is the planet some sort of magic junkie and is jonsing for a fix of Firaga? Is that was this is about? Just seems to me to be invented a needless conflict.

Moving along to OTHER points I need to make.

Really, I could go on and on. But suffice it to say, I found exactly ONE credible mention of the war, and it was only because it was being de-bunked on that site.

Basically, and I don't know if this is the universal theory about the war, but it seems like it to me, the so-called Veil is going to drop and we'll all regain our true forms. Okay, the only veil dropping I think that goes on is at weddings when the groom lifts the veil, but accidently drops it. That would suck if he didn't notice and kissed her anyway. It'd be like kissing through a screen door. Anyway!

So, we all turn into our TROO SELVES and the humans don't like that and we all start a-murderin' about it. Yeah, no. For one, we have to assume that we'll all turn into our true selves. If the P-shifting doesn't kill us, which is would. Why? Well, do you think that it'll happen just like that? *snaps fingers* Uh-uh. Every cell of your body will change, and I'd wager that that might kill you. If that doesn't, the pain sure will.

And assuming you survive that, who's to say you still breathe oxygen? Drink dihydrogen monoxide? Are capable of withstanding the sun's UV light? You can eat the food? So on and so forth.

So yeah, all our troops are already dead, and the war hasn't even started. If that's not a good clue that the war is bullshit, then fuck me I don't know what is.

And why would everyone kill us anyway? If someone saw a dragon, do you honestly think that they would shoot it on the spot? When people discover new animals, they don't just shoot them. They study them in their natural habitat.

To sum up, the sources are a wolf pack trying to build a house out of shipping containers without knowing what the War is about. Some dumbass who used his dead friend as a conduit for his ideals. A guy that I actually respect but seemed to have lost his mind when he wrote what he did. And the ones I haven't even touched on. Like that sk8r punk emo otherkin forum, remember that? A so-called vampire elder who uses an average of eight exclamation points per posts claimed that vampire hunters were everywhere, he was on the run, and that all vampires everywhere needed to form an army and conquer the world. I laughed my ass off, but I digress.

So, given all these sources, what is my conclusion? The war is fantasy, cooked up by people who think that the human race hates us, even though we're all human too, and we need to Do Something About It right now.

Yeah, I'm convinced. Where do I sign up?[/sarcasm]

Thank you for reading!