AFSWATTF Report Number: Plus two.
Author: The one, the only, the Captain.
Target: Groves of Annwyn
Fluff Level: PG67 A/W

Hay it's a report: Hello and good day soldiers and civilians! It seems like our ever popular, always amazing, has the highest post count Lt. of the Logistics division has come up with a real humdinger. A whopper. A fat crock of facepalm. It's enough to make my eyes cross! Or maybe that's from drinking out of a disposable sharps container, I'll never know.

We have no fewer than 23 rather silly bits to poke at, but I'd just like to mention the background, and how much it sucks. Seriously, it looks like a hairball that caught fire and was then repaired with bits from my mom's old carpet.

Also, what's with only talking about three kinds of 'Kin? There's way, WAY more than that. I know that there's at least four! Maybe even five.

Moving on, let's take aim at some of these rather interesting quotes shall we? And by some, I mean all 23 so called signs. Hey, I don't do things half way. However, some of the longer ones are snipped to avoid both a stupidly massive post, and because the cut bits aren't worth mentioning.

1.) You Are Born with a Caul (A Veil over one's face that foreshadows clairvoyancy..the second sight)

Now that I would pay to see. A baby being born wearing clothes. Sweet.

2.) You remember places, beings, people, animals at an early age from "another time or place or world" and can recall names, etc.

Past life memories ain't exactly new knowledge. It doesn't exactly pin you as other, and to be honest, I have no memories at all, and I still feel like a firebird.

3.) You are born with your permenant teeth allready in..or have an extra set of teeth (as in three sets of teeth) or you have no extra set of "adult" teeth.

....What does that have to with anything?! Besides scaring the crap out of your dentist.

4.) You are an extremely strong seer..telepath, empath, or have a multitude of psychic abilities which may be some no one has even heard of or have names for.

As has been mentioned many a time before, you do not need these to be any kind of 'Kin at all. I can't even read my own mind sometimes.

5.) You remember being Concieved, and can describe it in detail. (not being remember conception between your two parents...and you remember life in the astral planes - otherworld before reincarnating on the earthen plane.)

Okay, if I remembered my parents actually....y'know, I think I'd have to claw out my mind's eye. 'Sides, I'm pretty sure past lives =/= requirement to be 'Kin.

6.) You had an odd experience being were born non-breathing but begin breathing soon after.

I was born with jaundice. Does that count? I'd certainly hope nobody I know here was born dead.

7.) Sensing energy patterns from an early age, being able too see wobbly light around a person (their aura).. Having odd dreams where you are see yourself in the shape of a Faery, Dragon, or some kind of Animal.

Nothing anybody can't do or experience. I once dreamt I was a Digimon Tamer when I was much younger. That doesn't mean I will be smiting evil with cyborg-dragons anytime soon.

8.) You gave prophecies of future events as a young child, big changes etc, forsaw death of family member..and of course no one believed you, and they also saw it come true.

See above retort. Not much here that paints you as other.

9.)AS you grow up..feeling that as more as the world turns you are on the outside lookin in..that as more as events turn around you, you find yourself looking around at them but being apart from them

AKA: Teen angst.

10.) Doing things at a fast speed no one else is able too, doing things and tasks noone is able too do, being able to pick up heavy objects as if they were light..having amazing adrenaline..being able to open doors - move objects that would not budge for anyone else. Being able to sense energy patterns in pictures, people, and unmoving objects, being able too see and taste sound waves..sometimes being able to smell sound waves. (ever smelled lighting after a thunderstorm?) Knowing that a particular place..a field, a crossroad is full of magick, glamour, etc.

Okay, Twilight is not real, folks. Seriously, vampires don't sparkle in the sunlight, unless they wear body glitter. They also don't do whatever else Meyer says so, I dunno, never read/watched it.

11.) Having allot of feelings of deja vu, not being able to digest certain meats or dairy products..not being able to eat allot of vegation because of the gastric problem it can cause..having illnesses that noone knows how to diagnose..having illnesses at early ages.

A.) Everyone gets deja vu. It's some kind of brain mess-up.

B.) That's called "Food Sensitivity." Can you say that? Very good!

12.) You die and come back..remembering things from the otherside, and or you die and come back and start to remember past life memories, thus triggering your awakening..the point of remembering who you are, whom you have been, what you are, your abilities, and how to control them better.

And you'll be set for life as a televangilist!

13.) You manipulate energy and use energy from your body to heal, sense danger, and manipulate electric and mechanical objects.

Well, I am using the electrical energy in my nerves to move my fingers to type on the keyboard, which is both electric and mechanical. WELL GOOD GOLLY GUMBALLS I MUST BE A PHOENIX!!

14.) You have a lower body breathe slower, your heart pumps slower. You have to breathe quicker when you are being examined by a doctor/nurse. Your blood flows slower, your blood pressure is lower, or not there at all. You are pale, you do not do not burn in sunlight. Extreme exposure too sunlight and heat makes you feel drained in it, you feel nausea, or Extremely Dizzy, or you devolp a rash when you are in a very hot room or out doors, you actually feel the sun sucking out your energy. YOU STOP AGING at a certain age, usually in your early/late teens, you continue to grow, you just don't age. You appear very Youthful, but your eyes appear very OLD.

You are aware that normal vital signs are just averages right? My temp is below 37 Celsius, my BP is low but my heart rate is higher than average. Also, apparently even though I'm a firebird, the sun, which is freakin' MADE of fire (speaking in very basic terms) sucks out energy. Even though the sun GIVES OFF energy. And apparently I'm a vampire too.

Well...I did taste my own blood yesterday, but that's just because my arm was bleeding and I didn't want to waste a tissue while getting a bandage.

15.) You feel closer too older persons..people twice your age you feel more comfortable with than people your own age. If your pagan you know more than a 3rd degree intiate when you have only been practicing a few years.

*gasp* I love my grandparents more than some of the pricks I go to school with? Say it ain't so!

16.) You sometimes interfere with a Radio/TV raising your hand or walking across the room you static the station or can clear it up.

That's from getting in the way of the signal. It happens to everyone, especially with older, slightly busted, radios.

17.) You don't take drugs, you don't drink and you don't smoke. You feel no peer pressure to try any of these things. You know better, and you don't want to defile your body in that way. You don't have sex too fit in..or too be trendy or just because "you want some" you value sex as very sacred..and won't give into it unless with the right person.

Or maybe I don't like alcohol, I know that smoking and drugs are bad for me, I'm asexual, and can make the right decisions. Just a thought.

18.) You get cold more easily, if you get the slightest amount of chilly sometimes your hands/body part will close its coloring, and will go stark white.

Again, what does this have to do with being 'Kin? 'Sides, I live in Canada. It gets cold here.

19.) You prefer an alternative religion..wicca, paganism, druidry..the extreme old ways.

Difference of opinion. All it is.

20.) You are a loner..and chose too be a loner. [...] you always look about for people like you

I'm extremely sorry, but I haven't a damn clue what you were trying to say here. Perhaps you're saying that all loners get together and have a big loner convention? Y'see, that's the antithesis of being a loner.

21) You are often referred too as an "Indigo Child". (meaning you have nothing but an Indigo colored aura) I recently had the chance too read about the color of my aura. Most people have many colors in their auras, sidhe's only have one color. Deep Rich Sparkly Indigo. (the darkest purple you ever have seen)

For the billionth time, doing all this mystical stuff =/= make you 'Kin automatically. Plus, the only Indigo child I ever crossed paths with was in a video game, and all she did was whisper something that sounded like "Six-One-Nine" in my character's ear, and then die. Which is apparently the secret to the universe, go figure.

22) Your eyes glow or change colors between moods, seasonal changes, you have pointy ears, pointy noses, and oddly colored hair, and you appear faerish on one side of your face, more than the other.

If your face did all that, I think I'd be more concerned with the fact that your face is like....I dunno, haunted or something. 'Sides, I don't really think that one's other side manifests that noticeably in the physical. But I could be wrong.

23) If you drink OJ, Juices, and or energy drinks and caffiene products you become insanely CHEERFUL and BUBBLY

Caffine is an upper? Well, looks like I need to search for the socks that were just blown right the hell off my feet.

Debrief: What you have just witnessed is very true. No parts have been altered in any way and....*is handed a piece of paper* I have just been handed a piece of paper! There seem to be words on it! I will read them! Out loud!

"The Kin Hate War has started. You are stupid and unprepared and terrible. In fact, you are terrible TWICE, jackass."

Huh. Looks like I was wrong about the whole....war thing not....being real. Hmm.


Man the battlements! Get out the weapons! Prep the escape chopper! Somebody find some way to acquire battlements, weapons and an escape chopper! I knew I should've wrote a letter to the government asking for a budget increase. Namely so we'd actually -have- a freakin' budget. All we have is the spare change inside an old plastic jar on my dresser. Somehow, I don't think that'll cover the cost of a helicopter.

-End Report-