-AFSWATTF Special Report-
Volume the Second

Okay, I assume by this point that you've read the OP and now have good idea as to what Kai is like. Either that, or you like reading things out of order. I haven't touched on....Pookie. Maybe because I honestly think every time I type his name I have another stroke. He's not the main topic here, but I will mention him because he manages to drag down the following kin-types: Dragons, Kitsune, Fae and Foxes. Why is that? Because he is all that and -SO- much more.

I do not like the furry fandom. I'm sorry, but I don't. I think it's depraved, FAR too accepting, and has a moron to smart person ratio somewhere in the range of 2 to 1. Why do I bring this up? Like I said, Bax, Kai, and Pookie are all furs. Again, I'm not saying that's why they all seem to have high levels of the silly twit gene, but when Pookie calls his home state of California, "Califurnia" that's when I start seething with blind rage. And yes, I'm completely serious.

He talks about himself in the third person very cutesy "Poo-kie is hun-gy," makes meeping noises, and has publically admitted to loving his stuffed animals. No, he really loves his stuffed animals. 

I believe he has indeed been in a mental hospital, and ran away to join the wonderful, magical Frostfang household. Hoo-ray. God only knows how the house didn't implode from stupidity, as Baxil used to live there back in the day. Which is weird because I never pegged Bax for being that much of a moron. I always thought he was actually pretty smart, so maybe it was just a stupid thing done when he was younger, like the time I kissed my friend's sister in 10th grade. I believe that's the very moment I realized I was asexual.

He has had several one-night stands, and is one of those people that has been caught up in the romance of it all and twisted it and wrote about it and I read it and I cried. But this article isn't about him so I will get off of him for the sake of my sanity.

Kai. Kai Kai Kai. He's a hypocrite. He's a nutbar. He's like some sort of abstract idea of the perfect fluff dragon. When he realized all the negative press he was getting back in '03 he rolled in it. Used it as evidence for why this world is FUBAR, why dragons are horribly persecuted and why he's always always right. His essays on this kinda shit just blow. He makes his thesis and kinda goes towards, y'know, like you learned in school? But all of his supporting points just meander all over the place and that's why I have trouble reading them. I mean, they're so bad that the author of the CYD article I first learned of Kai from made a mistake in interpreting the line. Granted, it was like on a parallel track to it, and still made me laugh, but when a satire writer from a good site like CYD messes up, you know it's bad.

I think it's really funny how he never practices what he preaches. He calls all dragons to fix the world and all that, and a paraphrased version of his "dragon creed" sorta deal goes like this. (Taken off of Crush Yiff Destroy.com, therefore it be copyright to the author. Just in the interest of covering my ass.)

Crush Yiff Destroy wrote:
What would these people be like? Great statesmen, thinkers, and artists? Would they use their ancient wisdom and noble nature to become influential, wealthy, and powerful leaders of mankind and usher in a Golden Age of peace and prosperity?

Does Kai do this? Hell to the no. All he's managed to do is write a buncha shit on the internet that inspired likely an entire legion of dragons to be what dragons are supposed to be. And I think on that day I sensed a great disturbance in the Force, as though a million people suddenly headbang'ed. Dude's never volunteered his time, energy, blood, or anything to charity as far as I know. Tried to build a house, and failed rather spectacularily. His other writing style, besides the "Dragons > Humans" one is that of a wacky funster, which I think stems from his little furry fixation. Actually, I'm sure of that, because I witnessed something similar first hand to a friend when he became a fur.

Time for his essays. If you fail in reading them, I can't say I blame you. I'll be summerizing and adding remarks to really funny bits. Tonight, we will examine "Why Being a Dragon Doesn't Suck", and "Why Being A Dragon Sucks" If ya don't wanna read, just skip to the end of this post, as I'm wrapping up after that because I have better things to do, like kill the living shit outta some guys in Resident Evil 5. I won't be doing all of them, because some I can't make funny, and others honestly just drive me insane.

(FYI: Might take a while to load. The Archive.Org servers range in speed from "Kinda slow" to "Slower than a retarded zombie crawling through molasses." Or at least for me they do.)

Why Being a Dragon Doesn't Suck

Why is that? Well, that's because no matter how unique (Translation: Fluffy) your story is, everything is real! Unicorns are real! The Zerg are real! Elvis isn't dead, I just keep him under my bed in case I ever need background music when my iPod is charging. Why is everything real? Well, he didn't exactly go into that, but I'm sure it's an awesome reason!

Dragons may have it tough, but that's okay! Because they're closer to the source and have better insight into all the world's problems. They see reality as it truly is apparently, going beyond conventional human views of "That's just how it is" while Dragons see what should be. Again, I don't know WHY. Of course, just don't steal his stupid origin story or he'll bitch on the internet. And while he was bitching, attempted to show humility and basically fucked it up. Bravo.

The crux of the issue is that no matter what dragons do on Earth, those things are immediately TEH AW3SOME because Dragons did them. Dragons are terribly interesting just because they are and don't need any proof hy00man and the world needs them.

I seriously don't see how this makes being a Dragon not suck. If that issue is that high up on your list, you really have messed up priorities.

Why Being a Dragon Sucks

Here, I give him a gold star for saying that the reasons why being a dragon sucks is none of those dumb ones like you miss wings or feel limited or crap like that. Of course, I immediately retracted that gold star and wished to beat him with it after I actually read the damned essay. Such is the way of the Cap'n.

The main thesis here is that being a dragon sucks because not alot of people accept their beliefs. That's it. Really. That is stinkin' it. For God's sake, plenty of people don't even believe in any kind of god, period, and even religious people get antsy with people who believe slightly unorthodox things such as Paganism or Buddism.

BAWWWWW. Suck it up! Hell, my friends don't even understand why I practice parkour, let alone my beliefs of myself, so the solution is simple, just don't let it bother you. Besides, I'd like to meet this huge amount of people that apparently flip the fuck out whenever they see a dragon. Everyone I've ever told took it very well. Although it wasn't fun telling everyone, you guys included, I was actually a phoenix. Oopsie! :oops:

Of course, he says you shouldn't let this bother you, and I will quote it because it's just that fluffy.

Kai wrote:
A Dragon really is a great creature. They are majestic. In my experience, they have the tendency to be wise, kind, compassionate beyond measure, and sensitive to an astounding degree. I don't consider Dragons to be gods. But I do consider Dragons to be some of the most special creatures in existence, on this or any other plane. As someone once put it to me "Dragons are not meant to make other mortals feel lesser, they are supposed to show them what they can achieve."

So many witty things are queueing in my mind, but I'll let that quote stand on its own.

I'm afraid the Captain has to end it here, as I think the fluff is beginning to cause a brain hemmorhage oh god the colours ajlskfSJiSKgl gj/rlinhg;09w4U8T90SGIJGLKDG

That's it. I'm done for now. The only thing I ask in return is that you read, comment, and I feel a nice gesture would be to pick up the tab for my psychological therapy I'm gonna need after this.

'Til next time, folks.