AFSWATTF Report Num- Aw screw it, y'all know the rest.

Report: So. Hi! How's life? It's good? Aw....not that good? Know what you need to do? Pretend you're a vampire/dragon/elf/were/angel/demon/George Foreman Grill! It'll make your life better! OH! Better yet, pretend you're a God of all the above, and then you'll get worshippers, and everyone will love you!

.....Yeah, I couldn't even finish that with a straight face. To be honest...I feel bad for some of these people, I really do. For some, it's a form of escapism. In other words, a way to escape what they imagine to be a crappy life. Now, I'm in no position to judge, as I'm not them. Therefore, I will not pass judgement on escapists. Suffice it to say, I hope either your life gets better, or you do, so you realize your life doesn't suck (if it doesn't of course.) And to qualify the latter, you know, if they had some sort of mental illness, IE depression.

No, I'm talking about the people who pretend because they think it's cool, and then human-bash for it.

I mean, I can see the appeal of it all. Hell, when I was a young, impressionable teenager, I thought I was a dragon, right? And I was building that up to be something it wasn't, but was so much cooler. Stuff like "I bet when I was a dragon, I could transform into plasma! Yeah! That must be why I like hot showers." Yeah, I was many things, but intelligent in relation to 'Kin wasn't one of 'em.

I'm a phoenix, and as previously mentioned, I try to, as DLF put it so very awesomely, "re-kindle the old healing flame," and I'm happier for it. Why? Because I'm not being something I'm not! Scoff all you want at people you tell you to be yourself, but there's a reason they tell you that. IT'S RIGHT! You really don't need anything beyond trying to be true to yourself. If you're a regular ol' person, fine! That's great! No one is going to hate you for it, I promise! Pretending to be someone you aren't isn't going to make you cool, it just sends a signal that you're an indicisive, insecure person who need to lie to themselves to build themselves up!

To be blunt, it's freakin' pathetic. Find out who you want to be, be that person, and there really isn't anything better you could be. Unless you're Charles Manson. In which case I amend the preceding to include the cavaet, "S'long as you don't kill any poor bastards." M'kay?

But since I consider this a humour article above all, and I'm coming off far too reasonable, this next bit is for the people trying to be "uber-cool" in 'Kin terms.

For example, that one person who identified as every single type of 'Kin we have a sub-forum for. Just...what in the hell?! They even managed to put down angel like three times! I don't get why this is cool. Or that one girl who was "The Goddess Elena" in search of the key-bearer. Actually, I coulda helped her, I know how to pick a lock! *rimshot*

Pretending to be a uber-awesome energy worker that is also a dragon/fae/were/angel/demon/iPod really isn't cool. It's really stupid to be honest, and a bit unhealthy. Delusions of granduer, I believe the technical term is. Good Lord above but get over yourselves, you aren't impressing anyone! In fact, you don't have to impress us! Really, it's okay! You can be non-kin, I assure you we don't discrimate (unlike some arseholes that shall not be named. But their name starts with "C" and ends in "astle Otherkin") We will, however, laugh at you if you are a wishkin. Wanting to be an elf or whatever is okay, hell, I wish I was a rock singer, but shoe-horning that into your identity in an attempt to distance yourself from humanity or build yourself up is pathetic, self-degrading, and just fucking stupid.

Be yourselves, as that's really all you can be.

-Captain Nickolai, CO and Medic, is coming off too seriously, is strangly enjoying it.