Brace yourselves, kids!

I came across this site today and it's just far too amusing...so without further ado!

The Shadow Cavern Otherkin Pack!

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This is the design for the Pack House. The Plan for this is to make a living on our own, so naturally a farm setting will be implied and everyone will have to pull in and do their share of work. However, in doing this we prepare ourselves for success as well as our next generations. We become self suffecient and dont rely on the humans as much. Also, just in case this "Otherkin War" outbreaks we are sheltered within our boundries and are able to survive and cope by ourselves without outside help. More information is discussed about it on the Forum Boards.


Yes, they included a freaking 3 floor plan. I just love how it's "we don't want to rely on humans", well you are humans you morons and by relying on each other you're technically still relying on humans. Ah the irony. Oh, and the "otherkin war" lmao, what the hell is that? *punches Lt. DLF in the arm* I'm starting the war! 

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The housing plan takes up 28,160 Sq. Ft. of land. Yeah, I know a monster house, literally ^_^. The black area is space not being occupied by the pack house. The House itself will be built out of Storage Containers. However, the outside will have a log or stone look to it, on the outside of the storage containers to make it look like a "Normal" house. The reason Shipping Containers are being used is because of the high resistance to wear and tear as well as the fact that they are earthquake resistant. They are Steel containers, with floors that are 1" thick treated hardwood. They are also insulated.


A house built out of storage containers? Riiiight, that sounds feasible.I guess these people haven't considered the logistics of A. getting enough land and B. actually building the thing.

...and then there are the all too amusing rules...I'll just paste a selection as they're far too long to post all of them:

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Respect all members, no matter the rank or species as some will be human.


This just goes back to my original point about humans. Geez these guys are dumb.

And of course the rules about ranks:

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Alpha Male: Supports all members of the pack and keeps all members in line. He upholds the honor and integrity of the pack as a whole, makes imperative decisions of action directly and indirectly involving the pack, either as a whole or in a more specific manner. The Alpha may choose when to go to war with another pack or packs, or may choose to draw up a treaty between another pack and our pack to form an alliance. He supervises all actions taken by other ranks of the pack, whether for accuracy of documents and effectiveness of duties, or for management of finances and resources.

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Alpha Female: Similar to the Alpha Male, also known as the Alphess. She supports the Alpha male in any way possible, helps in decision-making and financial supervision, and usually possesses many talents. Governs and tends to arguments, documentation, and organization within the pack. She may NOT start a war, but MAY assist with the creation of treaties and alliances.


Hahahaha starting wars *falls over giggling*. I'd love to know what "talents" she has to possess.
Now the real amusement starts...rules about war times:

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1.) This pack is NOT involved in the otherkin/human war. We do not support it and are willing to find a peaceful solution to the dispute. We will not tolerate individuals for begrudging humans (homids). Some among the Therian community were humans (to varying extents) at one time or another. Remember that! We may possess a more keen understanding than humans, but this is not a valid reason for fighting with them. This only serves to lower our behavior to their level. We are otherkin, but most of us are here to protect others, regardless of race, not to kill them.


What otherkin/human war? Am I missing something? Wow...guys, put down the D&D and walk away...seriously. Oh, and some among the therian community "were humans at one time or another"? LMAO you still ARE you idiots, take a DNA test, cry over being wrong, and move on. A more keen understanding than humans? Of what? How to be a giant fluffball-moron? Becuase that's the only higher understanding I'm seeing.

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2.) In the case of a war with another pack, or ANY form of war that involves the entire pack, the Alphas are not to be challenged in their decisions. Alternatives may be suggested to their opted solution, but they are not to be conflicted with. This is considered high treason and may be punishable with EXILE.


Oh no! Anything but exile!!!

Don't worry, there are times of death rules too, because every secret war has casualties:

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1.) Treason is punishable by Exile. This person is banned from ever returning to the pack and is banned from talking to members of the pack. Those wanting to leave may do so on their own free will. However, doing so also bans you to their sentence. Once left in a ban determination you will NOT be allowed to re-enter into the pack under ANY circumstance. This is for life, and is irreversible. None will go back on word for they will receive same punishment and all will move on as if you never existed inside this pack.


Riiiight...wow. Um...I am speechless...

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2.) A Howling shall be held for a member who passes on due to a reason that is not related to treason. A Howling is a tradition amongst packs everywhere, held for loved ones; it’s said it helps their spirits pass more quickly into the spiritual realm so that they may come back into this world more quickly, being reunited with the ones they love.


*headdesk*

Howling rules (oh boy):

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1.) On the night of the death, or the night following, everyone will congregate, or gather, on a specified spot within the pack territory. ALL EMOTIONS SHALL BE HELD IN.


Big fluffballs don't cry.

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2.) The dead shall be buried at the chosen spot with their most cherished possession. This can be anything within reason. Exceptions include, but are not limited to, cars and other large and extremely valuable objects.


Um...a car? And how, pray tell, will they bury said large objects? Everyone gets down and starts digging in a dog-like fashion?

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7.) Try NOT to leave the house and the territory designated for the pack. This applies to all members, and is set forth so as to prevent those members emotionally distraught from acting irrationally among humans. If they venture into public in that state, it could draw unwanted attention to the pack, which could mean disaster.


Because, clearly, all deaths are human-related. Humans invented disease, didn't you all know that?

General tips from the fluffballs:

How to avoid bloodlust:
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For Psi-Vamps: Simply run your hands under a faucet with warm to hot water flowing. Use caution when using hot water, because you don’t want to burn yourself, trust me it sucks! If this doesn’t help, try taking a warm shower or when all else fails Go to Bed!

For Sang Vamps: Always have a few close people, who know exactly what you are and are willing to let you bite them. Remember that these people have rights also; they are bound by a Bill of Rights. So be gentle and nice, don’t EVER over indulge on one person, you should have a set of people to feed from, and they MUST be willing.

For all other Otherkin: Eat some meat medium rare or get some sleep. Do NOT go outside in this state, the scents of animals and humans may drive you more towards the killing. Use extreme caution in this state.


Oh, boy....at least they detail how vampire teeth function:

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Vamp fangs have a hypodermic function which is under the vamp's conscious control, and various substances may be injected to the Blood Bank during a feeding session. Fangs also serve the purpose of Turning people. These people are usually prior Blood Banks wanting to become Vamps, or are a good friend wanting to have mroe in common with the Vamp who is doing the turning. DO NOT EVER turn a random person, no matter how honest thier intentions sound or how innocent they look. Looks can be decieving, ALWAYS be wary against those you do not know well enough to feel comfortable around. It is implied that Vamp spit contains various substances such as anticoagulants, coagulants, neurotoxins, muscle relaxers. This is true, however, most are not used today unless asked so by the donor, and even then only muscle relaxers are allowed. Blood is not taken through the fangs, as many believe due to hollywood. There is no way for it to work like that. Fangs are used as an piercing/injection system only. Blood is taken into the system by lapping at it. Vamps see blood as a life source and choose not to drain humans anymore, hence getting rid of the bloodless corpses and the fact that vamp kind exist in that manner.


Yeah, I couldn't make this BS up if I tried...oh, and just so all you sang-vamps know you have wings and a long arrowhead tail. Keep that in mind. Oh, and here are the various "types" of vampire:

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Ashe - The Ashe Tribe are the most sensitive to those elements most traditionally used to combat vampires. Ultra violet rays, sunlight, silver and garlic are have a stronger effect on these vampires.
Cianteto - This Cianteto Tribe is from Mexico, supposedly raised from the dead by the same witches that gave Montezuma his immense power. A warrior caste, they have the strength of ten men and regenerate limbs lost in battle.

Dragonetti - The Dragonetti Tribe are influential sorcerers dating back to pre-Medieval times, who were reincarnated and returned to Europe. They consider themselves as the first pure bred vampires.

Faustinas - The Faustinas Tribe are believed to have gained their “pure blood” status by practicing Santaria. Along with physical strength, they also can control minds, matter and the elements. Faustinas can only be terminated with a silver stake though the heart and must also be decapitated or they will be reborn with more power than they possessed before.

Kobejitsu - This marking signifies members of the Kobejitsu Tribe who are proficient assassins known as the Death Ninjas. Strong and agile possessing unusual stamina, the Kobejitsu can be identified by their red, bulging eyes. They are the only members that do not cast a shadow.

Lemure - The Lemure Tribe of Rome were originally evil spirits that inhabited corpses and turned the dead into immortal night stalkers. Known for their ability to seduce their prey, they are beautiful denizens of the dark and frequently underground raves and Goth clubs.

Ligaroo - This Ligaroo Tribe is from France. They feed only from the jugular and are the only Tribe that hoards blood for use later.

Lobishomen - The Lobishomen Tribe are linked to werewolves from Brazil. It is believed that the original Lobishomen were killed by a werewolf and returned to the earth as a vampire.

Pallentine - The Tribe of Pallintine hails from the Baltic region and are some of the wealthiest industrialists in the Vampire Nation. Their vast wealth has allowed them to blend into society somewhat invisibily.

Upier - The Upier Tribe are born with a full set of teeth and razor sharp fangs. Originally from Eastern Europe, these vampires are particularly lethal and feared because of their ability to hone their deadly skills at a young age.

VonEsper - The Von Esper Tribe are the most violent and ruthless members. They are efficient assassins and are easily swayed or involved when bloodshed is to be taken.

Daimon - Also known as nixes. This tribe is known for stealing souls from others to keep themselves alive. It is said in Vampyric history that they managed to extremely upset Artemis and she sent a curse upon their whole house. This curse has placed them to live no longer than their 23rd birthday, unless they feed on the souls of others. If they feed on the tainted souls of others, they will live with no reprecussion, if they feed on the souls of innocents a black splotch will appear on their chest, hence their second name of "ink blots".

Dark Hunter - There are only 300 of these elite members, they look like regular humans walking around. This is a vampyric community that sits under Artemis's direction. They are such for either deeds that they have done, or for having asked the goddess to bestow her powers on them for various reasons. The sun affects them in the utmost and they are known for their strength, both in bodily and mind control. Some can create a mist and confuse others to keep a crime scene from human detection, as well as to hide themselves from others and the sun. They protect the human kind from the Daimon's claiming innocent souls.


Yeah...riiight...um...I think this all just speaks for itself. Oh, and don't worry, they list the types of wolves too (in addition to the animals of course):

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Katagari - Katagari are known as Lykos within the Otherkin Community. The Lykos are wolves who can shift into humans, most often as a last resort for survival. These wolves generally hate their human side, and more willingly embrace their gift of being a wolf. They are able to sustain a shift for long durations, primarily for survival, but also for other reasons. Aggression towards others is usually absent, unless survival or territorial needs require it. As such, they are fearless fighters when threatened, even so far as to be occasionally acquainted with the term of "ruthless killer." These wolves can usually be identified apart from Wers due to the fact that the eyes are not of the typical amber color, but instead are of a piercing green, yellow, orange, or red hue; their fur is often jet black, accompanied with the starburst pattern being slightly off.

Lycos - A Lycos, is a form of half breed. They were thought to have been demolished in the 1900's however, they have proven that their capabilities to survive and thrive has left them intact. There isn't many of them left, and those who are left pretty much keep to themselves. They are half man and half wolf, able to talk english in wolven, and having the ability to either walk or run on two feet or all fours. Unlike Lycans, they embrace their wolven side, yet they dont quite fit the description of a Lykos either. They can be any color fur with any color of eyes. Amber or yellow eyes and black and grey fur is the most common for this breed.

Werewolf - There are two types of werewolves. The first is called a Lycan; the second is known as a Dark Were.

Lycans - Lycans are prominently known for their willing embrace of their human side and general disdain of their animal identity. In certain cases, these people are the subjects of medical facilities that have misdiagnosed their condition as the mental disease known as Lycanthropy. However, this is not the case. These people are fully aware of their identity, not mistaken, but are unable to deduce the process of which to placate the wolf inside into a state of dormancy or fully awaken it. Many fear of the potential consequences that could arise if others knew their identity, and as such suppress their inner wolf or live alone. They shift on a certain phase of the moon, usually dependent upon the phase nearest to their birth.

Dark Wers - These wers fully understand what they are and willingly embrace the darker emotions and abilities so well-known to them. They kill without much contemplation of the act and without compassion for the victim or the consequences, and are always sought by a council. They are an extreme danger to their own kin as well as others, and are very misunderstood. Most are temperamental and very short witted; anything can light their fuses. Other than what is listed here, little is confirmed about their mysterious nature.


Again, too speechless...fluff is too overwhelming for words.

Finally, what fluffball site is complete without physical shifting tips?

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Shifting is done, with proper control, through long hours of meditation and getting to know your spirit(s). It involves you and your spirit(s) becoming one, this is done to make sure that you don’t jeopardize yours or anyone else's safety. Those first learning and trying shifting should be kept under close eye when allowed, when they can’t, it is possible for them to jeopardize their own personal safety, however, if one is willing and thinks they can handle themselves, and has done enough meditation and spoken with their spirits, then shifting is possible with minimum to no casualties. Another casualty of unsupervised shifting may be death or bodily harm to others, including humans. Slaying of innocent lives is NOT tolerated by this pack and will NEVER be, so practice your shifting tactics VERY carefully!

Performing the P-Shift: This may seem like a dream come true. And it is. But I warn you, this is not role-playing and neither is any of this site. In my experiences this works. The first thing to do is relax. You must be fully relaxed for this to work. I suggest you sit against something. Next you need to picture your wolf body and will yourselft to become it. Bring yourself into thinking that and you will become your wolf. Concentrate on this and then your arm or leg muscles will begen to get restless or actually hurt! Don't worry! The pain only exists the first time. Continue on concentrating and do NOT fight the pain. Fighting it will only make it worse and stop the shift. Eventually you will shift. Caution!! The first couple of times you may black out!! This is normal but you may become a danger to people around you. What I recomend you do is go into your room and lock the door. To shift back to your human form, all you need to do is the same as above. Relax and will yourself back into your human form. Or you can just curl up and go to sleep. You will normal wake up back in your human form. (Your body and mind will revert to the form they are most happy in.)Anything in light blue is Gifted information from Pilot at http://www.geocities.com/pilotwolf143/h ... -shift.htm


Once again, I am too overwhelmed by the fluff to speak.

If anyone's interested in witnessing the fluffyness first hand:
http://www.freewebs.com/shadowcavernpac ... mation.htm