-Hay, it's a Special Report!-
Volume IX

Reading one of Kai's good essays is like this: You think it's okay, then a bad part comes. You get by it, assume all is well, then think about it, and realize that oh my dear crap, it's not. Little bits of some stupid kinda leak out between the lines. And then you cry.

Tonight's essay is "Guilty Until Proven Innocent." This is a topic I have gotten behind myself more than once, and I was ready to pass it up as a bad job; as a good essay. Unfortunately, I kept reading, then I started thinking, then I realized something: Persecution complex.

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

To make an example of some poor sap, let's all look at....Aw hell, might as well not call anyone out. Let's look at me.

I cosplay, right? I like to look at pictures of videogame characters, specifically their clothes, and replicate them. Solely for the purpose of a fun hobby, and to show off a bit. Some other cosplayers are like that. Others are immense creepers that write erotic fan fiction, stalk people dressed as their favourite characters, only come out from their basements to attend anime cons, you get the drift. Some people's knee-jerk reaction would be to lump me in with the latter group, even though I don't do any of that. Same goes for 'Kin. Even though I like to think I'm not nuts, some people would lump me in with "quality" sites such as that sk8er forum of sad.

This is basically Kai's thesis for this essay, that this thinking is wrong. And it is! Really! Mark this on your calenders people, as I am actually agreeing with Kai. Unfortunately, we hit a rough patch. Or maybe the whole essay sucks and I just didn't notice until it got REALLY bad. As I've mentioned before, he's got no grasp of basic essay structure.

He seems to take all this lumping together very personally. Reading between the lines a bit, it seemed to me as less and less of a general article, and more and more like a retort to what he perceived as a personal attack against him. He goes back to saying that your imagination just isn't good enough for this, and why can't you just learn to love.

It's like assuming that in a debate, everyone will swing to your side right after you argue your point. The only reason they opposed you was because they hadn't heard your viewpoint ever before. He acts like everything he says is the basic truth, but almost never backs it up! Remember his origin story, and his assertation off that Ally thing not being a theory, but a proven fact. And it was just on his say-so.

He does make good points, but can't seem to resist making a jab from his high horse and takes it all personally. If he didn't do this, I wouldn't have a problem. We wouldn't be talking about this, and I could be satirizing Castle Otherkin or something. But he does, I do, we are, I'm not, and welp, here we are. Anyone want something to drink while we're here?

I actually have a theory. It seems like his good essays are like those of other dragons who have written about similar things. Like his Otherkin FAQ reads like the Draconity FAQ, which is good, even though the source is Bax, this essay is sorta like Bax's Anti-Hate essay. Maybe that's why Kai's essays are semi-sane.

His original essays, as in those dragons suck/don't suck seem to be the worst, at least to me. And there's no other essays like them as far as I could see. Take that as you will, but I think when he's really just writing on his own with no clear point, that's when the real fluff shines through.
-AFSWATTF Special Report-
Volume the Fourth

It's all our fault. Or should I say, all the fault of us sorry sods who've lost a sense of wonder at the world and just go through life like robots. Yep, we're all being indoctrinated by society to not know magic or wonder or whatever the fuck he's babbling about. Believe you me, I'm trying my hardest to understand this bilge and translate it, but I need a sense of where he's going with all this to do that, and he's going forward in about thirteen different directions at once.

Apparently he soldiered on against all this oppression, and came to the conclusion that in thinking there was wonder in the world, he was heading into uncharted territory where almost no one else went. Why? Because he was one of the lucky few who knew enough to look. Of course he was.

Now I'm at the middle of the essay, and he's paused it to play a game of Find the Fish. Ok, I'm all for throwing in a joke, which I'm sure just blew all your minds, but really, this goes beyond jokes into just smashing something resembling humour into the article to the point where it stands alone. Not only destroying any sense of comedic timing, but also breaks the flow of the essay quite neatly. And it's really damn stupid to boot. Brilliant. :headbang:

Moving along, he joined alt.fan.dragons, and that's where he picked his name, Kaijima Appleseed. The Frostfang didn't come until he moved in with his boyfriend. Everything was all hunky-dory for awhile, until the big ol' flame wars started. AFD at the time was comprised of two cliques of people: Dragons and dragon fans. Strife happened between the two when the latter group realized the former group weren't roleplayers. Of course this is all very important according to Kai.

And why were these horrid non-believers with their horrid non-believer-y ways not believing? For one, apparently, they're just jealous. To be honest, IMO, I could just stop there, as I feel when you use the "Yer jus' jelus!" argument, you just committed debate suicide with a Desert Eagle .357 to the temple. For two, not only were they jealous, but they didn't, and I quote, have the balls to imagine that there could be dragons. He wonders why these people have such a hard time imagining what things that are, and again, I quote, basic observations about how reality obviously works. Not "maybe" or "possibly." Obviously. As though I, the not-clued-in reader, am the dipshit here.

Skipping over about how awesome he says all this shit is, we come to the end, and holy Jesus Christ in a bomber jacket, I have no idea anyone could end an essay that badly. If you hate this guy for this, or don't believe him, what does he say? And for the last time, I fucking quote, "I offer my sincere condolences for the mediocrity of your reality."

I don't believe him. Therefore, I suck. I don't hate him, because I have never met this man (he's 35 as of right now, April 17th, 2009) and I don't know his goals or thoughts on whatever issue, therefore, I don't know if I would hate this guy. His attitude drives me up the wall to the point of blind rage, but I don't hate him.

Also, I don't think he's a dragon. There, I said it. Where in the hell in all that mess did he really awaken? I mean, from what I gleaned from this trainwreck of an essay, he decided on an online persona, and is now that persona. The end. Thanks for playing, a loser is you. Seriously, what in the hell? I was unaware you could mess up being a dragon that badly...

Now I know. The More You Know! Hooray....